I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
