they need to just BURY HIM!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
