I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
