This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize