it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
