The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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