Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize