Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize