I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
