I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
