So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
