there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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