non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
