i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
