I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
