just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
