remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
