i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Two words: nipple clamps
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