I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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