there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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