Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
