i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
