The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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