yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize