I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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