Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
