ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Tell her she can't have a vagina
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
