Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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