i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
