smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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