somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
