We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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