Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
