i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
