We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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