So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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