the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
