You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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