I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
