he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
