Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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