There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
