I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
