I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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