He felt like a one man threesome
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
