I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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