she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
