you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
