I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
