omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well I just put wine in my tea
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize