Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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