ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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