Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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