Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
