He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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