I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Randomize
