She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
