Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
