We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
