So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
