All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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