Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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