3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
