Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
