his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize