So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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