Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
