Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
