Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
