dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
