I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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