This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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