In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
