i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
